Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
