Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
