Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
