Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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