is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
