do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
