You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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