he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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