ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
