So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
