I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
