shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
