there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize