These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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