thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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