he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize