i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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