i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
