it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dicks are not precious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
