i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
