My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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