I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I cockslap morals
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
being pregnant is like rehab
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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