So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
