We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
