how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
