3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
