What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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