OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
