you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
