i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
