Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
