so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
