Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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