So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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