Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize