the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
