Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
