I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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