He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
