Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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