Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
