This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
