pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
