I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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