I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
