The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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