You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
