I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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