Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
