He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
