so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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