I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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