The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
