I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
