i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
