Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Jerry, you need to find god
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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