is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
