I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
