So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
