apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
