I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
