Just fell off a train. Bad.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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