we have officially lost it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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