Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
