fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
