hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
