Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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