Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
