well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
