Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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