I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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