im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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