"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
