Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
