for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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