Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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