Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so much tequila, so little girl.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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