The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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