only if we run a train.
done.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
where are my eyebrows?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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