I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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