Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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