1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize