Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
