i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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