He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
