sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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