If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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