Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
