So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
