Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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