I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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