Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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