You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
